I cannot recall the last time I took a proper razor to my legs.
My skin has always hared it, becoming red and irritated. The “razor burn” and eventual ingrown hairs were painful and embarrassing. At some point I just started using electric trimmers and take it down to stubble level.
This took getting used to. Initially I was nervous about people feeling or seeing that I wasn’t smooth.
It’s a thing; to be convinced that others are occupied so much by your presence that they would notice something so small.
I must admit I have had to, as an adult, unlearn some seriously judgemental narratives about other peoples’ bodies and how they adorn them. That softening of my perception of others allowed space for me to become more comfortable with my body how I want it to be; though I am still discovering how exactly that is.
This year, since interacting with people has dwindled, I’ve not been thinking as much about the length of my body hair. It’s such a secondary thought that I’m not sure the last time I even trimmed my legs. Usually this would mean they stay covered, but this time I’ve worn a (calf-length) skirt to work.
Maybe surprisingly, I like my leg hair. It makes me smile when I see it and it’s fun to play with. It’s not soft. In fact, it still feels like stubble to the touch, though lengthy.
Today this is on my mind because I’m getting a new leg tattoo. Now, only the section where the tattoo will be needs to be clean shaven. The rest of my legs could very well remain hairy or be trimmed. Pretty sure the tattoo artist will not judge.
My mental struggle is with the fact that photos will be taken.
It’s common practice for artists to take photos of their work and post it on social media. Oftentimes they don’t name names or tag the person in the photos, as the emphasis is on the artist’s work.
I understand I could have anonymity.
There are a few thoughts at play here.
I don’t want the judgement. Even if I’m not tagged, I’ll see the posts and the comments. The perceived silent judgement would be on my mind (as it is when I’m unshaved in public).
Thing is, I’m getting another leg tattoo next month by an Indigiqueer artist and for that I will certainly leave my legs hairy. I know I will have absolute safety and acceptance in that community/space, both in person and on social.
So why am I overthinking the length of my leg hair today?
Today’s artist is new to tattooing, with a background in calligraphy. She’s a grown ass women and mother, yet I’m worried about messing with the aesthetic of her feed and portfolio? How wild.
More and more I ache for people to be able to show up in their bodies in the way that best suits them. Hairy or not hairy. Soft or firm or somewhere in between. Step by step I’m getting there in my own life, though it is an almost daily consideration.
Now I am off to get ready, which will include trimming my leg hairs because that is how I feel most secure today.
I will mourn my length loss until we meet again. 😋
As with many of my posts, this didn’t really have a purpose or an end. It was something that I felt I needed to say.
If you’re feeling some type of way, I see you. My heart is with you and you are never alone in this world or your struggles.
She didn’t even take pics 🤣 Gotta love overthinking!