I took this extremely candid (🚽) photo this morning after I had a really exciting mental moment.
During a typical stream of thinking, I had the thought that I’m excited for next year and what it will bring.
I, Jaydee, depressed for many years with little to no hope for the future or dreams, am excited for next year.
Tears (see photo) sprang to my eyes when I realized what I had just thought.
What this means to me:
•I’ve lived in what feels like survival mode for a very long time. There has not been much that has me eager to continue my existence long-term.
•Thinking of the future with a positive lense, rather than with trepidation or anxiety is HUGE.
•IT MEANS THAT THE WORK I’M PUTTING IN IS WORKING!!!!! 🥳🥳🥳💃 It means that the “courses” I take, the groups I involve myself in, the personal development, the things I read, the small choices and actions I make, and the conversations both internal and external have made a difference. The effort that’s gone in hasn’t been in vain.
What is it that I’m excited for?
There’s nothing specific.
*giggles* That is mind-blowing to past versions of myself. There is nothing happening for certain next year. I have no clue where I’ll be or what I’ll be doing. Yet I’m excited for the possibilities.
It doesn’t have to be another year of the same old; of repeating patterns and biding my time.
I have potential and so does my future.
There is a later version of myself with tears in her eyes thinking about this exact moment.
The moment I step into hope. When I realize that I am enough and I have what I need to create a life worth looking forward to. When I see that the doors around me are open; the gate to my cage is open and the key is in my hand.
The moment I shed my identity of sufferer. Yes, the pain is still there and it will always be valid. But that’s not who I am. I’m not made of broken bits, I am WHOLE.
So this is my victory selfie.
My honest visage.